March 4, 2024
Stoner Rock Originated in the Middle East, Study Claims: Evolved from Hymns Sung While Stoning People in Ancient Times
stoners
Early stoner mosh pit as pictured in the film “Life of Brian”

In a groundbreaking study that will surely rock the music world, researchers have unveiled a surprising revelation about the origins of stoner rock. According to their findings, stoner rock didn’t emerge from the hazy depths of psychedelic experimentation in the ’60s but rather traces its roots back to ancient times in the Middle East. And no, we’re not talking about a time when people gathered to indulge in some herbal delights; we’re talking about an entirely different kind of stoning.

The study proposes that stoner rock, with its heavy riffs and mind-bending melodies, evolved from hymns sung while stoning people in ancient times. Now, before you start picturing robed figures rocking out with guitars in one hand and stones in the other, let’s take a closer look at the research.

Led by a team of musicologists and anthropologists, the study delves into the historical practice of public stonings, which were tragically common in some ancient cultures. These stonings were often accompanied by chants or hymns to maintain a rhythm and create a sense of unity among the stone-throwing participants. Over time, these chants took on a certain musicality and became an integral part of the stoning rituals.

Fast forward to modern times, and the researchers propose that the descendants of these ancient stoning communities eventually found a different way to express themselves musically. The haunting melodies and repetitive rhythms of the stoning chants morphed into the heavy, hypnotic soundscapes we now associate with stoner rock.

“It’s quite an unexpected connection,” says Dr. Harmony Groove, the lead author of the study. “We were looking into the musical evolution of various genres when we stumbled upon this link between ancient stoning rituals and stoner rock. It’s fascinating to see how cultural practices can influence music over centuries.”

Of course, this revelation has left the stoner rock community both surprised and amused. Many musicians within the genre have embraced the study’s findings, even if it means acknowledging the rather unusual origins of their beloved musical style.

“It’s like we’ve gone from ‘sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll’ to ‘stones, hymns, and rock ‘n’ roll,'” jokes Ethan Stoner, frontman of the popular stoner rock band Bongzilla. “Who would’ve thought that our music has such a rich historical background? It’s mind-blowing, man.”

While the study’s findings may raise a few eyebrows, it serves as a reminder of the intricate connections between culture, history, and music. So the next time you find yourself immersed in the swirling haze of stoner rock, take a moment to appreciate the ancient hymns that inadvertently gave birth to this genre. Just be glad that today’s stoner rock doesn’t involve any actual stoning—unless, of course, you count the stoning riffs that hit you right in the soul.

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